Sadly, so many women lose their sexual appetite for reasons too long to mention. The medical industry is shamelessly banking in on “Women’s Sexual Dysfunction”, which is a total sham if you ask me. Short of having a genuine medical issue, there is no such thing as women’s sexual dysfunction.
The biggest thing standing in the way of the long lost days of wet, juicy, fantasy-filled, steamy moments in a woman’s body is a long list of unexpressed emotion, regrets, resentments, heartbreak, wounding from the past, shame, negative feelings about her self-image, perfectionist mentality, self-neglect and in general too much giving to others and not enough activities that fill her own tank.
Of course, having your hormones checked and balanced is essential. I highly recommend bio-identical hormones to any woman or man who needs it. And while menopause has its difficulties, there’s no argument there, I’ve also known plenty of succulent women in their 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s that never lost their desire for sex. So what’s the catch?
As a professional, I’ve spent the last 15 years immersed in tantric, Taoist and kundalini practices. There’s tons of rich information that can be found in those fascinating traditions. I’m also a pragmatist at heart, a give it to you straight, kind of girl. So here it is…
Sexual Energy is essentially our creative life-force. It’s the very energy that brings life. Without it, we are like the walking dead. On one level it has nothing to do with sex and on another level, it has everything to do with sex. It’s the impetus to imagine, manifest and create the world around us and it’s also the raw desire for physical pleasurable sensation.
At the level of physicality, how it shows up is the feeling of turn-on, it’s the energy or the vibe that a woman puts out when she wants to “put-out”! And when a woman thinks and feels sexy, guess what, she IS sexy! What this means is that sexual energy is accessible to every woman who WANTS it. And you have to WANT it. I mean, why else would you be reading this article, right? But seriously – wanting, desiring, longing, hungering for a fully embodied organic innate sexual energy to come effortlessly from within you is indeed the first step to having It.
The problem is that we women run at a deficit for days, months, even years. Never learning to fill our own tank consistently enough to feel really good. We overwork, skip meals, skip workouts, deny our much needed alone time, lack sleep, forget just how nourishing it is to spend time with girlfriends, how good it feels to slow down, journal or read a book. Then we look at the media and our minds run wild with negative comparisons of all the unattainable crap we see on TV.
Most of us run on fumes. Our effort to live up to masculine ideals has left us totally exhausted. But our sexual energy is not found in the masculine. Our sexual energy is a form of femininity. That’s where the real juice is at. When a lover encounters this – it’s like nectar to the gods. Side note – I’m not talking about sexual expression here. Your expression may be very assertive and masculine or it may be very receptive or coy. What I’m talking about is what it takes for a woman to access that deep reservoir of life-force within her being to bring about the sexiest most desirable aspects of herself. You can fake blond. You can fake tan. You can even fake sexy – for a while. What you can’t fake is the real and unmistakable scent and feel of a woman who likes and desires... sex.
Ladies, are you givin’, givin’, and givin’ and not seeing a return on your investment? Nothing is going to change the fact that so many women are inherently self-sacrificing, especially the moms in the bunch. But honey, no one is going to give back to you the way only you can. You just have to know what that is. What do YOU need to authentically feel ‘fine’?
Learning what gives you the energy to be your sensational feminine self is one of the most important things you can do. Ask yourself, “What is essential for me to do on a consistent regular basis in order for me to be the best me I can be?” Maybe the best you is generous, patient, loving, understanding, communicative, sensual, liberated, kind, graceful, strong, confident, compassionate, happy, playful, spiritual…
So, what does it really take to fill your tank enough such that it gives you the space to be those magnificent qualities in you?
How much exercise is enough to feel good and confident?
How much sleep or rest or alone time do you need to be patient and loving?
How often do you need to eat to stay playful, happy and grounded?
How much sex or how much yoga or how much dance do you need to feel like you can be in your body again?
Do the things that bring you back to you. And do just enough of those things consistently every week then see how your whole attitude changes. No more blaming others for not feeling good! Now here’s the straight talk: One of the best ways to nurture sexual energy is for us to stop finding fault in our bodies. When our body becomes the enemy, when it’s not good enough or we dislike this or that…we tend to literally abandon our bodies. And when we are no longer IN our body, we lose all our access to sexual energy because, as I said, that energy is inherently physical.
So get back in your body, shake it around, loosen it up, take it out dancing. And just watch how easily you recover your own sexiness and you don’t even have to lose any weight to do it!
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