I am the kind of guy that can be doing nothing and still have an amazing time with somebody (even my imaginary friends). So for me, anything we do on a date can be a blast. I texted this girl to get together yesterday, and while happy to do so, she asks “what are we going to do?” Now there are a billion things we can do, and rather than just pick something out of a magic hat, I felt like approaching the question in a more meaningful way.
What I came up with is just a simple way to reframe the intent and the approach to planning dates. If you’re looking to add deeper meaning and even some spontaneity to your date ideas, read on.
Typically, we think about what we want to do when we get together: the activity, the place, the logistics, the outcome of events, etc. This approach gives us answers such as: bowling, dinner and movie, walking at the beach, having sex, making food, taking a trip, hiking, etc.
Taking a leap to the next level – from predictable to interesting – is when we ask ourselves and/or our date “what would you like to experience?” This gives us answers such as: the beauty of nature, an adrenaline rush, playing out a fantasy or sexual role-play, a new place, an adventure, a chilled laid back conversation, etc.
Getting to the heart of all experiences, the feelings and emotions that we feel are really the point of everything we do. When we ask: “what do I want to feel tonight?” or “what would you like to feel tonight?” it points us to the emotional outcome first, and we can work backwards and find the activity and experience that could create those feelings. This would look like: happy, sexy and feminine, humorous bliss, challenged (pushed beyond my comfort zone), romantic, desired, loved and cherished, fun and playful, etc.
This one goes a little meta by asking us what kind of person we want to be tonight. Asking “who or what would you like to be tonight?” or “what kind of man do I want to show up as today?” are powerful questions. The answers from both you and your partner can look like this: “I want to be an exotic and luxurious femme fatale” or “I want to be a loving, feisty, and playfully adventurous leader tonight” or “let’s play a new role, such as a husband-wife, pilots, secret agents, or strangers” or even “I want to play the feminine role tonight and you can play the masculine”.
These 4 different approaches to brainstorming date ideas provide an extra bit of creativity and purpose behind what you plan. If you’re wanting to play strangers that night, you can pick any place and drive there separately and act it out. If your partner wants to feel sexy and feminine, perhaps a night at the spa, followed by a surprise lingerie gift for the evening’s sultry ending. If you want to experience adventure, perhaps a date that involves extreme sports or a road trip into nature may be required. If you just want to go swimming, simply pick a pool or beach and you’re golden.
You can explicitly go through this with your partner to come up with ideas together, or use it yourself as you come up with ideas. If you have a good idea of the personality of your date, you can work backwards from “who she is”, and think about what experiences somebody like that would have, what kinds of feelings she would want to feel on a date, and a place or activity she would be thrilled about.
It’s not rocket science – it just takes a shift in perspective. Use this as a helpful (and fairly unique) method to approach planning the night… you just might really impress your date!
Written by Drew Gerald