How to be better in bed for him. In this awesome guide, we asked seven sexually experienced men what it takes to get them hot under the collar about a woman in the bedroom. Here is what they said!
For me, the answer to the question “how to be better in bed for him?” starts with … her beauty, her openness and her desire. I’m initially attracted to women by her looks and the way she carries herself, but I desire much more than that when having sex. Whether we are fucking, making love or anything in between, I want to have some sort of connection to who she is as a woman. I want to be able to feel into her and her desires. Sex for me is much more than the friction of body parts against each other. It’s a way to let go of inhibitions and play in the moment.
I enjoy women who are comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality. They like to leave the lights on and destroy the sheets. I like women that know what they want and are not afraid to ask for it. I never want a script or set plan with sex. It should just flow naturally and I’m open to whatever arises. It may be a slow and sensual blowjob, an aggressive pounding from behind, multiple orgasms, a quickie, there may even be laughing, crying or screaming. I’m open to a full experience and ready for anything that comes up for either one of us.
If I’m having sex with a woman for the first time, it’s usually exciting and tantalizing, but not always the best sex. We’re still figuring each other out and what turns each of us on. When I know that a woman REALLY likes a particular thing, then giving her that thing is twice as pleasurable for me.
I absolutely love a woman’s orgasm, in all the beautiful ways that they happen. I love the toe-curling, screaming orgasm, the “I can’t hold it any longer”, the squirting, the surprise orgasm, the soft orgasm, the rolling orgasm, the vibrating body orgasm and so many more. To see, feel and experience her pleasure is one of the greatest joys of sex and often pushes me over the edge of climax too. It makes me want to come back for more with lusty desire.
What do men want in bed? Good sex is uninhibited sex, where you both go for exactly what you want and help each other get exactly what the other person wants. Good sex is sex where each person knows exactly what they want and isn’t ashamed of getting it. Good sex is when the guy holds the space for the woman to totally fulfil her fantasy and where the woman holds space so that he can do likewise.
Great sex involves talking dirty during sex. This for me has been one of the major hurdles I’ve got over recently. It adds a whole new dimension where your voice and mind in all their dirty glory can get involved. Sex seems to be so focused on fucking the body, why not include fucking the mind? – twice the fun. Your mind is hungry to fuck, so don’t deny it the pleasure, vocalise what it says.
Good sex is dirty sex, where fantasies, depraved, sweet, nasty, degrading can all be played out and enjoyed. Not because we genuinely think of each other in those terms, but because an honest and held sexual space allows us to play with taboo, play with the edge and go to places we normally wouldn’t in our protected social cocoons, go to a place that is a hell of a lot of fun. On this note, good sex plays with power, often to the extremes. Because good sex is safe, those extremes can be played with in a way that is almost inconceivable in the normal day-to-day, this is why sex is so special – the window into obscene, taboo desire.
Good sex is anticipated sex. Some examples of dirty talk (mind you I’m still a novice), like a quick text message whilst at work:
“I can’t wait to have you inside me!”
Then a few hours later:
“Mmm, I can’t stop thinking about your naked body”
I find it the biggest turn on when a girl tells me how much she enjoys having my cock in her, how hard she’s going to cum, how wet her pussy is. People are timid, so be prepared to take the lead, but open the door with confidence and honesty and they will gladly follow!
I’ve never slept with a girl that hasn’t loved being talked to dirty. You might find that when you first do it with a new partner they might laugh. Don’t be fooled, it’s just nerves. Plough through it and as you take the dominant role in bed, do it with more conviction. She may still giggle, if she does, fuck her harder. She will love it. I had a girl recently giggle when I started. At the end, she came for about the fourth time.
For me, a woman is great in bed when it’s all about how much she has sex from her desire, there’s a willingness for her to entertain her dirty side. When she’s slutty. Also, girls talking filth is the biggest turn on ever. Also fully submitting, then fully taking control is awesome.
Technique is neither here nor there really for me, at least because you can always tell her how to do stuff.
How to be better in bed? As far as I’m concerned all a woman needs to do it for me in the bedroom is to have a can-do attitude and a willingness to experiment. If a girl’s got energy, passion and is just as into it as I am, then it’s a massive turn on and I can’t get enough of that.
I don’t want to be doing all the work while she just lays back and thinks of England, I want her to give as good as she gets and, to be blunt, to put her entire heart and soul into the act of fucking me.
Women with sexual confidence who are in tune with their sexualities are like gold dust.
For me, the biggest turn on is when a girl completely surrenders herself to me. When a girl gives up all control and flows with my direction, reacting in harmony with my movements, like a tango dancer, the masculine/feminine polarity is expressed in the most exciting way. This means the girl has to stay completely present, in the moment, focused on nothing but you.
This is usually referred to as the ‘dominant/submissive’ dynamic, but it is more than just the physical submission, it goes much deeper. I will be turned on to the degree to which the girl can trust me enough to completely let go of all fear, all responsibility, every ounce of control that she is used to having to exert during her everyday life. I’ve got you now baby, tonight you belong to me!
I feel like the element that makes a woman truly exceptional in bed is when she’s feeling so inspired/abundant/in love that she can match my level of giving… And I’m a big-time giver. To be clear, when I say “her giving”, I mean her state of being, not necessarily the specific actions she takes. In a moment a woman could be laying back and fully receiving me, and that would be the most giving thing at that moment. It’s about love, intimacy, and total openness. When someone is full of joy, in love, and isn’t holding anything back with the mentality of “I need to get mine, THEN I will give”, then there’s an effortless, delicious flow of giving and receiving that amplifies moment by moment. A woman who can meet me in that space is, in my opinion, an exceptional lover.
I’m super sensitive and can feel when a woman has this level of connection with herself. One of the most memorable of those moments was when a woman I was with was in this space totally surprised me with the most amazing blowjob eveeeeer. I could feel it was a pure expression of love… She was doing it because it was her deepest joy, and that simultaneously included pleasing me/loving me/giving me everything I wanted.
I think the most attractive thing to me for a woman to be great in bed is when she is comfortable and confident in her body. When she is able to relax and be fully present in the moment and to able to give herself to her man. When she teases me by taking things slow, knowing that it is not a rush and we’re about to have a beautiful experience together.
When a woman is able to dominate when the time is right, and then relax and be very feminine when she wants me to dominate. Communication is very sexy. When she looks into my eyes and tells me exactly what she wants or likes. Whether it’s to be touched or kissed in a certain place, or that she wants to take things faster or slower.
Learn to give a good bj and handjob, none of this yanking and pulling. No teeth on the bj! Take time and learn…
Great sex is sober, consensual sex where we talk and connect first. We need to have an awesome connection – laughter and play have to be there or else I know the sex won’t be good. Next…Stockings make me want to melt – argh! They turn me into an animal. But what really makes a woman good in bed? A sweet surrender mixed with genuine slutty unbridled enthusiasm. I remember a time with one particular girl who shocked me with her enthusiasm and passion for me, we were so into each other and it made the experience extra special.
I’m dominant in the bedroom but I love it when a girl tells me what she wants and knows what she wants, ‘eat my pussy’, ‘fuck me harder’ all the while giving me a look in the eye like she means business and she won’t let me not do it. Women who are truly in tune with their sexual energy are the best and they are few and far between. How can a woman become more in tune with her sexual energy? Don’t suppress it is an honest answer. Let your slut out and be unashamedly proud of her. She doesn’t have to sleep with a tonne of guys to come out, she just has to be out when she wants to fuck.
The best sex has no script and is lost in the flow when we are both lost in the moment and the passion. We all know this type of sex, time stops – nothing matters, time passes and we are lost in bliss. Oh, and remember guys like compliments too. Tell him that you like his body, the way he does something to you. He’ll appreciate that.