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How To Stop The Dopamine Addiction To Ejaculation And Porn

 

Most men are addicted to ejaculation and they don’t even know it. The world would be a happier place if men ejaculated less and everyone had full-body orgasms together. 

We feel it is very important for men to have a rite of passage into adulthood. The majority of young men don’t have rites of passage anymore. Women, no matter where they live, have a rite of passage into adulthood. It happens upon them through their first menstruation. However, men need to have a rite of passage created for them, to signify the transition from adolescence into manhood. One of these rites of passage should be to stop ejaculating all the time and integration of their emotional body. 

A powerful option for men as a rite of passage can be to learn how to break the cycle of their addiction to ejaculation and to develop ejaculatory choice.

The journey required for men to break this cycle will most definitely give them a chance to integrate all levels of consciousness. Along with beginning to heal the many wounds created from their life-long conditioning of needing to fit into the unhealthy gender role of the basic male image of many societies.

When men let go of their addiction to ejaculation and develop ejaculatory choice, it becomes a powerful self-mastery piece on every level, from emotional, to energetic, to spiritual. It will change their relationship with their sexuality and orgasm forever. We can't forget that ejaculation and orgasm are completely separate things. It will also have a dramatic effect on their relationships with whom they choose to make love, and they will notice a dramatic difference, too. 

My personal addiction to ejaculation

I started to ejaculate from around the age of 13. The conversation at school became competitive when it came to masturbation. We’d have ‘wanking Olympics’ – these would consist of how far we could ejaculate, how fast we could ejaculate… nobody ever beat my record of 28 seconds from flaccid to ejaculation. These stories only perpetuated an addition to ejaculation. 

By the time I was 27, a week was the longest I went without ejaculating, and I couldn’t walk properly at the end that week. My balls felt like they were about to explode. Never had I met or even heard of a guy who had ever stopped ejaculating!

After hearing a teacher at a tantric workshop speak about the non-ejaculatory path and that he recommended going SIX months without ejaculating, yes, SIX! I started this path soon after and managed to get to two months and it changed everything for me.  

One of the hardest things is admitting and accepting that you are truly addicted. The first two or three weeks were very hard (excuse the pun!). I had to re-circulate my sexual energy with yoga and deep breathing techniques. The primal urge to release my seed was now imposed was bordering on the ridiculous. I ploughed on through and after the first three weeks, everything seemed okay. There was still an urge to ejaculate but I could let it pass. 

Once I took the need to ejaculate out of making love with my partner, things started to change… dramatically. Sex has now become multi-orgasmic and the waves of orgasmic energy I can now ride are mind-blowing. I literally bathe in an orgasmic state during sex. Just last night I had waves of orgasms travel through me from kissing – this is a completely new experience for me. I put it down to the rise in orgasmic vibration and energy my body now feels. Because I am circulating this energy around me rather than keeping it centred in one place, it has opened up so many new portals for pleasure.

I’m learning that without that obsessive pull towards ejaculation, life takes on a different flavour, sex has an even more sharing and loving aspect – I am never having sex just to ‘get off’, and sometimes I do ejaculate, but it’s in a much more fulfilling and deeply orgasmic way. I also ejaculate with an intention with what I want to create in my life.

I also feel less competitive with other men when it comes to sex. The spilling of seed is competitive by nature. We are competing with other men to have a baby, to pass our DNA and our sperm are all competing to get to the egg.  When you stop ejaculating this dynamic stops and you feel less competitive with other men on a deeply subconscious level. 

My partner's thoughts on non-ejaculation

“The expectation of male ejaculation interrupts the process of a woman’s lovemaking. It is like an intrusive, invisible ticking clock flashing menacingly the time it takes for a particular man to ejaculate. The reality is that while women experience the pulsating delight of their lover’s pleasure, their own satisfaction, for the most part, is left unrealized. While his cum slowly slips from soft white to clear fluid and streams across her abdomen, her own pleasure is often overlooked.

While I had often found satisfactory pleasure in the pursuit of male ejaculation, typically, once the predetermined task is complete, my own waking body slips back into the desire that drove the lovemaking in the first place.

Suddenly, the desire for a woman to reach orgasm is diminished by conclusive evidence of orgasm: ejaculation. This can become an issue between lovers when satisfaction is seemingly reached by one, and not by the other.

What if male ejaculation is no longer the purpose? I just so happen to be in the presence of a lover in such a circumstance. He had not ejaculated for about six weeks and had voiced his desire to not ejaculate for a year. At first, I thought it meant that it would require abstinence from stimulation and masturbation and how painful it must be to suffer from blue balls. I also assumed at first that the interest in sexual relations would be kept to a minimum. I even imagined his declaration must be the root of some monkish, religious pursuit.

I was cautious about the nature of his male spiritual endeavour and therefore my own sexual drive was held at bay. But even still, I was intrigued by the unusual calm display of resistance to ejaculation and incredibly aroused by his constant stream of sexual energy. I became captivated by the challenge of getting him off. I take him in my mouth, all the while listening for the all too familiar sound and the evidence of completion. But what I receive instead is the holding back, the tight grip. I push for him to cum and stop, and wait. Slowly, we begin again. We are in a circle of hold and release. I feel that withholding that forces him into a deeper realm than the physical act of ejaculation. This want becomes primal. Time is irrelevant. We are driven deeper and sweet pain courses through me. I breathe it into him, we stop, we sleep, we begin again.”

The non-ejaculatory path

Tao Master Mantak Chia and writer of the book, ‘Multi Orgasmic Man’, explains:

“You must learn to draw your sexual energy out of your genitals and to circulate it through the rest of your body to truly master the Taoist techniques for experiencing multiple and whole-body orgasms and for improving your health.”

Deep, circulatory breathing is needed, and visualization of pulling the orgasm back into my body rather than pushing out to ejaculate really helped me reach the state of a multi-orgasmic being.

Chia also notes,

“Sexual energy is available to men twenty-four hours a day, but most men starve themselves because they believe they can satisfy themselves sexually only during a few minutes of intercourse. The most liberating thing for men is to discover that they have total access to and control over their sexual energy at any time.”

How might non-ejaculation help the male gender? Without the need to satisfy the urge to cum through searching for one-night stands, short term (only sex-based) relationships, pornography, and prostitutes – I am sure the relationship men currently have with sex would change. 

Top tips to stop ejaculating

When alone...

  • Start small. Aim for two weeks, try to hit a month and see how you feel at that point.
  • All porn has to stop.
  • Cut down drinking alcohol. When you wake up with a hangover and you want to sleep, you will be very tempted to ejaculate.
  • Start morning yoga. This is truly awesome for re-circulating sexual energy.
  • Masturbate to the edge of ejaculation (without porn), re-circulate that energy with your breath.

With a partner...

Communication is incredibly important. The first thing you need to say to a partner is: “I am practising non-ejaculation to see what it can do for my life. I’d like us to share this journey.” Some partners may really want you to ejaculate, as often women also link ejaculation to pleasing a partner. Explain that you want to try a new way of being and use the following tools to do so:

  • During sex, you need to be aware of your arousal rate and stop a few seconds before you think you will ejaculate. When your arousal has decreased, start again (this may take 20 or 30 seconds).
  • Focus on your breath. You have a choice between short, rapid breath or deep, slow breathing. The deep breathing gives you more control, and the quick breath disperses the energy. Remember that ejaculation is like a sneeze and a full body orgasm implodes up through you (usually through the spine) via the breath. The breath is the longest and most important relationship you will have in your life. Get more conscious with it, practice yoga and other breathing techniques. Try a breathwork class.

  • Contract the PC muscle. Also known as ‘the gooch.’ Squeeze this muscle when you are about to reach orgasm with your partner.

  • Pull down on the balls. Get your partner to pull down on your balls in order to stop ejaculation.

Mantak Chia has some additional advice on holding back your seed, “Whatever techniques you use to heat yourself up and cool yourself down, the most important parts of the practice are breathing, squeezing your PC muscle, and learning to relax into a non-ejaculatory orgasm.”

Further reading: Mantak Chia’s Multi-Orgasmic Man.

Final thoughts...

The non-ejaculatory path is one that will change your life. It has changed mine. I am now experiencing so much during sex that it would blow your mind. In fact, I intend it to. I am now doing a neuroscientific study into what is happening when my partner licks my third-eye (my forehead) during lovemaking. I can feel all the neurons in my brain go on fire and they are in an orgasmic state. It is incredible. Want to know more about that? Listen to the 15-minute brain orgasm podcast

My lovemaking is now incredible, I can have all types of orgasms. Brain, spine, and heart orgasms are my favourite. 

I just want you to know that so much more is possible, too. 

Written by Steve Burford. Founder, ULS.